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I will repeat it : foreigner can divorce from their Pinay wife : article 26 paragraph 2 of family code of the philippines...

I previously was married in the Philippines and divorced her whilst i was in Australia and she was in the Philippines. Good news is i remarried another Filipino so there are good ones

Found out she had another husband from the UK. The date confirmed is 2016. Is there any way to find out if they are still married? Or if she filed a divorce in Canada?

It doesn’t matter where you were married. If divorce is legal in your home Country, you can divorce her. Divorce is also now recognized in PH if a foreign spouse obtained the divorce in their home Country.

"If the respect in your marriage is gone, it's never going to come back."

This is especially true, and would be noticeable once she starts going cold and distant.

After my ex had disappeared, my colleague, whom she had talked to secretly before she left, told me that my ex said "it is not the same anymore".

I understand how you feel. You are at the stage where to are still in semi-denial. When you truly come around to the part on acceptance, you will be able to move on. But correct me if I'm wrong.

I used to question if this whole mismatch in financial perspective it's because they are Filipino, until I made friends with Filipinos who are financial savvy, of a different background and have integrity that intersects with mine.

One of them told me that I lost power in the situation when I gave in. He reminded me this whole thing is a power-play. I find myself grappling his concept, which will survive the relationship and manages its lifespan. However, I understand myself enough to know that when in a relationship, I would rather be authentic and still be giving, instead of having to view every instance cautiously to manipulate them in my favour to protect myself.

If you are not too deep into your feelings, definitely take a long-term review and make the decision. It is good for your own mental health even, so you can reduce the impact of trauma.

I felt what you felt, until I realised she cheated and ran off with another person. It was even harder for me to catch on the cheating with no hard proof, except my instinct, until I found out after we parted. I regret that I didn't make the active decision of ending it. It happened under the situation more of like I thought I left the country temporarily and when I try to get in contact with her, she disappeared.

The good thing is that it ended early for me, I can still heal and rebuild myself back in my home country.

I tried to fight for the relationship when I thought was open and honest communication about our financial health. I suppose even expecting her to contribute to expenses, if it's not in her, then we are likely more fitted for another.

Thank you for sharing. Yes I talked to an ex partner of hers and he regrettably admits she and her family scammed him out of a lot of money. She disappeared on me. No where to be found. I have accepted and come to the realization this will never be again ever. It still hurts but it is time to move on and take forward with me what I have learned about myself and relationships. There are so many wonderful filipina and women in general out there. I know one day I will find the right one who shares the same integral values and loves me for me without any other agenda. Peace be with you my friend.

Virtual hugs to you Johnny. You are good human being and deserved to be loved for the man you are. I can already tell it is her loss. There are layers of you that takes a good woman to appreciate.

My life in the Philippines shifted my perspective on humans so much, like I start seeing them as every part of Robert Greene's books. I feel that I used to be more capable of compassion and kindness, but now it is just fatigue.

I am trying to get back on my life and it is so tough. Sometimes I feel tempted to go back. But I know it will never be the same and that I need to write new stories to overwrite the last one. I have somehow began to lose faith in love and relationships.

My negativity aside, I am happy for you because you seem so much stronger. Good for you Johnny!

Thank you so much! Yeah it's tough. I hear ya

You must be out of your mind.  Send her back home.  There's no love at all in your supposed relationship.  Jesus Christ how many red flags do you have to be presented with before you can see.  You only allow others to do to you as they will.  Your not a bad man but you're not a smart man either.

The OP is over three years old and his latest post was on March 5, 2019 so I think he has moved on.

Enzyte Bob wrote:

The OP is over three years old and his latest post was on March 5, 2019 so I think he has moved on.

Or gone bankruptcy  so he cant afford internet   

It is very unfortunate about your situation.  I've been lucky enough to not have this problem,  but While lurking on this forum I have seen so many times this has happened in one way or another. 

To being a Philippines normal.  no this is not normal, of course they will want to send money home to help there family, or kids.  but not to the extreme like this.  When I lived in the US we would send on average 100-300 USD back to the Philippines.  But usually on the low side.  and sometime none at all.  Every time my wife wanted to send money home, she would be come and ask me.  and she always insisted on earning the money she sent.  meaning she wouldn't use my money.  Just the money she would earn at work.  She always told me it wasn't my responsibility to take care of her family.  but on several occasions I insisted on helping.  It is sad but some Filipinas look at us like were walking ATM machines.

But in your case.  your being taken to the mill. My opinion Divorce her and make sure you tell the judge and show proof of what is happening or she will clean you out.

For me, I knew from start what I would be getting myself into.   I am not rich, far from it,  but finding Filipina girlfriends means for the most part, coming in with the expectation of helping her economically.

Big Mad Wolf wrote:

For me, I knew from start what I would be getting myself into.   I am not rich, far from it,  but finding Filipina girlfriends means for the most part, coming in with the expectation of helping her economically.

Yes. Its even in the LAW,
BUT only if her relatives do their best (or is old).   
Many miss that part of the law... 
Far from all but far to common Filipinos stop working and sit down and wait to get paid when they "winn on lottery" geting an OFW or foreigner into the family... 

I dont mind assisting people in need, BUT NO CHANCE I find it ok to support lazy crap people.  I even skiped an ex gf  - and she understood and say similar herself - because of her family.  They are very poor, a lot of sibblings, few good but most are crap very lazy. The problem is they live together so if supporting the good ones, then the crap ones will take from that support too... 

Jonny,
If you needed someone to hit you upside your head, let me know.

FilAmericanMom wrote:

For now, I would suggest writing up a timeline or a journal. Start with what happened recently. Note down the date and perhaps also the time. Note down also phone calls and messages.

For example:
- Feb. 3, 2019. 2::30pm: Wife came in a red Honda Civic with another Filipino woman. She took her clothes, phone, passport and other personal belongings in a suitcase and her backpack. Two officers, Columbo and Bosch were at my house when this happened. She mumbled some words in Filipino, yelled at me, told the officers I was _______________ . She left in the same vehicle at around _________ .

- Feb. 2, 2019. No word from my wife. No text messages. Tried calling her 5 times on her cellphone at _______ . No answer.

- Feb. 1, 2019. Wife has not returned. I learned that she is staying with her friend at ____ . Looked through her personal belongings here at home and found a list in her handwriting which I think is a list of people back in the Philippines to whom she had been remitting money. (I have made a photocopy of this list.)

Try to be objective rather than subjective in your notes. 

Then backtrack by doing a timeline of how you met, date and location of your wedding, when you started the sponsorship process, etc., when she started working, etc.

This will really help your lawyer if you have notes / journal and a timeline.

Assume (or maybe even accept) that you and your wife will never get reconciled. You need to protect yourself. If your wife had keys to your house, change your locks, because you never know if she would do damage or set you up. Consider installing a simple cctv.

Just read your post Filmom. Love the line about Harry Bosch. Not sure if many of the readers are avid Michael Connelly fans like you and me

@Heady hi how are you getting on now with you and your wife’s expenses? My wife also sends money home to her family. She doesn’t contribute to any house bills. Do you think I should be asking her too?

yup it's not a free ticket marrying a westerner

Old post but interesting . . . . .

In September this year I will be married to a Filipina 17 years. We both had lived in Las Vegas and had jobs. Once we were married we had joint checking, saving accounts and charge cards.

Our wages and my SS were deposited in our joint count, we both had access. I paid the bills, once a month we would send $1,000 USD to her children in the Philippines. The three boys went to private school and then to college.

She had free use of the charge card, never abusing it. From time to time extra money was needed in the Philippines for repairs to our house in Metro Manila and from time to time for new appliances.

Now both retired in the Philippines, we live on a fixed income, I handle the money and pay the bills, whenever she needs money, she asks and I ask how much. Whatever amount she asks for I always give her more.

She does all the ordering for the water, gas and the brand of rice she has delivered. I always make sure she has money, so she doesn't have to beg or feel I'm using money to control her.

My Filipina wife was Americanized, so we both think the same way.

We both speak English, we both have similar education levels and are ages are close together.

@Enzyte Bob that’s good bob im happy for you. Congratulations on 17 years! Sounds like your system is working for you.

@Bukidnonkane my wife works full time and sends some money home to her family each month plus additional costs here and there which seem to be every few months. While I don’t send to the family myself I am still supporting by not asking her to contribute to any of our house hold bills. I just worry about costs going up when we decide to have kids…

@Jonny2840

Its 2023 a bit late but read your post.

@pej1111

I can see everyones point here, but marriage is a two way street lots of vulnerablities here but I side with the man  based on the infomation provided.

    @Bukidnonkane my wife works full time and sends some money home to her family each month plus additional costs here and there which seem to be every few months. While I don’t send to the family myself I am still supporting by not asking her to contribute to any of our house hold bills. I just worry about costs going up when we decide to have kids…
   

    -@RGN

You are Scottish RGN but I promise not to make a parsimonious gag here.

The financial burden on your wallet will magnify considerably as babies are expensive and the missus will be playing mum at home i. e. not working.

I guess it all depends on your income. If in doubt now is the  time to bail out before the little nippers come along. She is a Filipina and will want muchos muchos bambinos.

@Jonny2840

My Filipina wife is not like this, although I hear about a lot. What would you do if she was not Filipina?

It will likely never stop., but you can move on. My wife would even say leave her to her family. My mother in law is even cut off financially after my wife sees how she gives the money she sent to other family members. I know guys here who wife's send similar amount home for the tribe. They are not happy.

Why accept the behavior.... it is not part of the agreement. Just move on. My first American wife.. it was cheaper to divorce than keep working with long term financial struggle. My 20k lawyer versus your how many months to break even.

@Enzyte Bob

But you're Elon Musksies - you can afford it, isn't it?

@Lotus Eater

Nasty racist.

@tammas2000

16-15. Nasty nationalist too?

Back on topic.

The operative word is "NO" and works for us. Been through the giving process and all the hands out and asks.

The promises to borrow and repay,,,,,,, and years on when questioned by my better half to family is greeted with a smile and Steve has plenty of money to which he retorts yes and he worked his tits off to be where he is, took awhile but the "NO" word works for us and now they get nothing.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

To the OP and any others who find they are in a similar situation...

Horror stories and a waffle on coming but as said we learnt to say no, works.

Some 12/13 years ago when I first met Bens family it was a bit of a shock for me but was welcomed I suppose as the cash cow and we stayed with them for 5 weeks with holidays to A/C hotels every 3 or 4 days as their house was a furnace and sleeping on a single bed (two of us) in an 8 x 6ft bedroom with a wall fan, never again.

Anyway I got sick of hand pumping water from the cousins house 3 doors up for a shower, toilet flush or washing dishes, I talked to Ben and his dad who simply nods his head and we agreed to dig a deep well, an electric pump and plumbing through out the house including a washing machine outlet,,,,,, they were ecstatic and all their dreams came home, in the mean time they loved it, no more filling buckets and it cost us about AU 600 bucks.

In the mean time we vacated our condo in Manila and had all our belongings shipped 7 hours north to their house and gave it to them as Ben was moving to Australia to start a new life, while they loved the shipment I don't recall a thankyou kiss your foot nothing,

The/my gripe? About a month after we moved back to Oz Ben gets a call from his father asking if we could help pay the electricity bill as they didn't realize how much the pump would cost to run and BTW the 55inch TV has lines through it and we need that repaired,,,,,, yes the tv is under warranty, call the store, you have all the receipts, the power bill was when I learnt the "NO" word, From me Ben told them to turn off the electric pump and go back to the hand pump and buckets, 3 years later the same again with the tv and also the large fridge/freezer died and they can't afford to have it repaired,,,,,,, "NO", a year later the front load washer died and again the ask, "NO". A plethora of other asks and simply met with "NO", sorry we can't help.

Ben saved over a million Pesos while living and working in Oz and was all eaten up with 6 weeks of hospital bills including 3 weeks in intensive care, the funeral costs and now he is broke and all because his parents and family were anti vaxers and Ben paid the price and the family is still paying off a 200K balance years later. A very sad loss as his mother was the rock for the Barangay, a wise woman led astray.

We were handing about P 40K per year for near 10 years supposedly to help with medical needs and as said in another post I never saw his father partake in any medication, we stopped that handout 3 years ago. Ben gave his Suzuki bike to his dad 12 years ago and he handed that to Bens sister and BIL, an older bike and after 5 years needed an engine rebuild,,,,,,, yes the hand out yet again.

They don't ask anymore as they know the answer. Call me a tight so and so.

Only my long story of abusing our generosity that stopped, in Oz we call it taking the piss.

Cheers, Steve.

Honestly if you've got it they will take it until you learn to say "No"

This applies to men in the west with Filipina girlfriends in the Philippines. My girlfriend or ex (not sure now) mainly ghosted me for the better part of 5 months. She was working in Singapore at the time, working 2 jobs. We recently got chatting a bit again and started to arrange for me to go visit her in the Philippines, now she is back home. She had plans to get an apartment with a friend in Manila, work during the day and learn Japanese in the evenings a few days a week.

She told me she had found an apartment for 16K per month with a pool and suggested I stay there with her in her room as her friend would be in the other room. This was not a problem for me, she just wanted me to pay the rent since I would be saving money on hotel costs. So I made her an offer of 32K when I arrived and a further 8K a month for 3 months on my return which would equal her share of the rent for the six month period she was renting. She wanted me to pay upfront before we met and I said no for 3 main reasons. (1) - I did not fully trust her after the ghosting. (2) - If a family emergency came up and there was a big need to earn money, I thought she would abandon the apartment and go overseas again, forgetting also about the Japanese course. (3) - I felt that if she was struggling to raise money for the rent and deposit that her friend would also struggle and if she could not raise the cash, I would probably be asked for more money or my girlfriend would just take my money and spend it on her family.

Not once did she thank me for my offer, just said she needed the money now and she had also told me that she already had 20K saved. She could have used that for the deposit and the first months rent.

Now she is off to Dubai to work on 1 March. I do understand the pressure she and others are under to earn and provide for the family but I was not willing to pay anything until I was there with her and details from her were hard to get. I am not sure I can fully trust her again now and she said how can we have love without trust so it looks like an impossible situation although she did say I could possibly visit her in Dubai when she gets settled there but I am not even sure I want to. Having an OFW for a girlfriend is almost impossible when she keeps moving around the world.

Not transparent Cherry. Walk away, you seem to find all the problems and persist, I never had asks from suitors thank God as they are red flags, been there with eyes wide open,,,,,,,, 14 years on and the same partner and we never looked back.

Your lady is taking the piss, wake up to realities, live here and enjoy the flavours and culture, Chill and keep the old fellow in your pants until it's real.

Lust from afar will never beat boots on the ground with the goings on here, 100 miles an hour but you need to have true faculties and not here say. Live here and appreciate the realities, a nice lady? Focus, been there and honestly one is enough once found, difficult online and fraught with danger unless you have your wits about you.

What you suggest with your ladies asks is simply taking you for a walk like a dog. She is as we say in Oz taking the piss and the gullible considering her offer? She should be more than pleased to meet and spend with you and money or renumeration is 2 red flags, walk away 

No more to say.

Cheers, Steve.

Steve - Like I said, I have said no but I honestly would not mind helping her or anyone else if I was also making a big saving on hotel costs. Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner. However the answer in this case remains a defo no.

Cherryann01

Live here and glad to hear you said no with that lady.

If Budget is an issue then stay in a cheaper hotel or pension house, Air b n B etc. Simply don't get taken for a ride,,,,,, you have been there before and have a child, pants up and focus.

Cheers, Steve.

Cherryann01
Live here and glad to hear you said no with that lady.
If Budget is an issue then stay in a cheaper hotel or pension house, Air b n B etc. Simply don't get taken for a ride,,,,,, you have been there before and have a child, pants up and focus.

Cheers, Steve. - @bigpearl

Budget is not the issue, I just think if she had agreed and saved me 3 weeks worth of hotel costs then why not help her out a little but like I say I said no because she wanted the money upfront and that was never going to happen.