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The actual wedding party wont cost you anything  because the guests will give you envelopes with money and this will cover your costs plus some profit.

When selling a house its between 1-2%, get your girl to do a search for local agents.

If you are concerned that you will be overcharged by the local caterers for the wedding expenses, even if you intend to pay for all of it, ask your in-laws to arrange it.  It seems like you already have a high level of trust with your fiance as you bought a house together but presumably in her name.

Financial profit from a wedding . .. . Jeez, that's almost funny. 

Very common here, my inlaws did the same thing.

I know there was also more money taken in as gifts than our wedding cost.  We gave the "profit" to her parents as a gift.

The OP will have gold to buy for his beloved.  The "reasonable cost" is up to you but as a foreigner probably something in the 150-200,000,000 range.  Again, this really isn't a cost per se, as the money is just going from you to her via the gold.  It's basically a savings account.  My wife sold hers back after 6 months or so since the price was up and she actually made money on that deal.

Also know that her family will write down exactly how much each person gave so that when they have a wedding in the giver's family you will know exactly how much to give.  It's just a money merry-go-round in the small towns.

colinoscapee wrote:

Very common here, my inlaws did the same thing.

Of course it's common, it was the profit angle that was amusing. Project it over the following  12 months and see what happens.

This thread is getting funnier by the minute . .. . Your wife sold your wedding gift because it had a financial value over emotional ? In other words your present to her only had a financial value ? My wife would die before giving up anything I gave to her as a gift, especially as an engagement or wedding item. We talking 'marriage' here or a business arrangement . . . .

SteinNebraska wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

Indices wrote:

Financial profit from a wedding . .. . Jeez, that's almost funny. 

Very common here, my inlaws did the same thing.

I know there was also more money taken in as gifts than our wedding cost.  We gave the "profit" to her parents as a gift.

The OP will have gold to buy for his beloved.  The "reasonable cost" is up to you but as a foreigner probably something in the 150-200,000,000 range.  Again, this really isn't a cost per se, as the money is just going from you to her via the gold.  It's basically a savings account.  My wife sold hers back after 6 months or so since the price was up and she actually made money on that deal.

Also know that her family will write down exactly how much each person gave so that when they have a wedding in the giver's family you will know exactly how much to give.  It's just a money merry-go-round in the small towns.

Exactly how things work, some people seem to struggle with what the norm is in VN.

Indices wrote:

SteinNebraska wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

Very common here, my inlaws did the same thing.

I know there was also more money taken in as gifts than our wedding cost.  We gave the "profit" to her parents as a gift.

The OP will have gold to buy for his beloved.  The "reasonable cost" is up to you but as a foreigner probably something in the 150-200,000,000 range.  Again, this really isn't a cost per se, as the money is just going from you to her via the gold.  It's basically a savings account.  My wife sold hers back after 6 months or so since the price was up and she actually made money on that deal.

Also know that her family will write down exactly how much each person gave so that when they have a wedding in the giver's family you will know exactly how much to give.  It's just a money merry-go-round in the small towns.

This thread is getting funnier by the minute . .. . Your wife sold your wedding gift because it had a financial value over emotional ? In other words your present to her only had a financial value ? My wife would die before giving up anything I gave to her as a gift, especially as an engagement or wedding item. We talking 'marriage' here or a business arrangement . . . .

It's just gold.  Rings that are worn? Sure.  Emotional attachment.  Kept them.  I don't know anyone that attaches emotional value to that gaudy wedding gold.  It is something for the ceremony.  It served it's purpose.  It was her choice.  It's just stuff.   I'ts not financial, nor is it emotional.  It's just practical.  Nobody seems to miss it except for you for some reason.

So gaudy wedding gold appealed enough to you to buy it for her ? Won't say more, you have said enough already. Jeez.

She picked it out.  Nothing more, nothing less.  You apparently see this as a gotcha moment.

Hopefully the OP will gain some knowledge from the helpful posts given and ignore those that just want to make everything about him. Isnt that right Colonel.

The wedding gold gift these days is symbolic not intended to be the most expensive gift you can find.

Like many VN traditions they are merely symbols of by gone times

vic50 wrote:

Hi guys

I need some advice on the costs associated with marrying a Vietnamese girl. We are looking at a traditional marriage. I know being a foreigner costs are generally higher. Has anyone had any experience and suggestions. We will be marrying in Ca Mau.
Secondly we currently have a house in Rach Gia that we intend to sell, what is a reasonable commission that we should pay an agent. How do you find agents in your area???
Would appreciate some advice.

You could try something like this:

SteinNebraska wrote:

Indices wrote:

SteinNebraska wrote:

I know there was also more money taken in as gifts than our wedding cost.  We gave the "profit" to her parents as a gift.

The OP will have gold to buy for his beloved.  The "reasonable cost" is up to you but as a foreigner probably something in the 150-200,000,000 range.  Again, this really isn't a cost per se, as the money is just going from you to her via the gold.  It's basically a savings account.  My wife sold hers back after 6 months or so since the price was up and she actually made money on that deal.

Also know that her family will write down exactly how much each person gave so that when they have a wedding in the giver's family you will know exactly how much to give.  It's just a money merry-go-round in the small towns.

This thread is getting funnier by the minute . .. . Your wife sold your wedding gift because it had a financial value over emotional ? In other words your present to her only had a financial value ? My wife would die before giving up anything I gave to her as a gift, especially as an engagement or wedding item. We talking 'marriage' here or a business arrangement . . . .

It's just gold.  Rings that are worn? Sure.  Emotional attachment.  Kept them.  I don't know anyone that attaches emotional value to that gaudy wedding gold.  It is something for the ceremony.  It served it's purpose.  It was her choice.  It's just stuff.   I'ts not financial, nor is it emotional.  It's just practical.  Nobody seems to miss it except for you for some reason.

I 100% agree, I have talked about this with several girls I dated before the girl I am currently with.
Brides family see the wedding gold as traditional gift just like giving camels or livestock in other cultures, The women I have spoken to even after marriage, such as my girlfriends sister see it as old fashioned and ideed gauwdy and not really their style, it's really bought to please the family not so much the bride as a show to all guests how rich the Groom/grooms faily is a show of weath.

Many poor families buy it and then sell again as not to burden the family with debt for long period of time, also Ive talked to her family members that have bought some of the wedding gold and borrowed some from sisters or relitives just for the wedding.

As pointed out, wedding gold her is not like a western wedding ring where it is worn every day for life (hopfully)  so it does not have the sentimental attachment, my girlfriend has said she would not be seen dead in the gaudy stuff after the photos,, but one of her sisters loves the long row of gold braclets on her arm and took the rest back a week later,,, horses for courses.

The money stated is about right everyone ive spoken to spent around 150-200mill and celebration anywhere from 50mill to 200mill for the food/venue, depending if on the street in tents with food cooked local to big hotel venue places with massive screens and dancing girls and karaoke.

Here's another one that AFVN never got around to playing:

vic50 wrote:

Hi guys

I need some advice on the costs associated with marrying a Vietnamese girl. We are looking at a traditional marriage. I know being a foreigner costs are generally higher. Has anyone had any experience and suggestions. We will be marrying in Ca Mau.
Secondly we currently have a house in Rach Gia that we intend to sell, what is a reasonable commission that we should pay an agent. How do you find agents in your area???
Would appreciate some advice.

Out of all of the responses, this is one you need to read and heed:

On the wedding day, your going to get tons of envelopes with cash.  I don't know your fiances family, but the less educated will tell you(foreigner) that is the families money, not yours.   THEY ARE WRONG.

The money in the envelopes is for you and your new wife.  Don't let anybody fool you.

vndreamer wrote:

vic50 wrote:

Hi guys

I need some advice on the costs associated with marrying a Vietnamese girl. We are looking at a traditional marriage. I know being a foreigner costs are generally higher. Has anyone had any experience and suggestions. We will be marrying in Ca Mau.
Secondly we currently have a house in Rach Gia that we intend to sell, what is a reasonable commission that we should pay an agent. How do you find agents in your area???
Would appreciate some advice.

Out of all of the responses, this is one you need to read and heed:

On the wedding day, your going to get tons of envelopes with cash.  I don't know your fiances family, but the less educated will tell you(foreigner) that is the families money, not yours.   THEY ARE WRONG.

The money in the envelopes is for you and your new wife.  Don't let anybody fool you.

...and you get to use it for cigarettes, coffee and beer!

vndreamer wrote:

vic50 wrote:

Hi guys

I need some advice on the costs associated with marrying a Vietnamese girl. We are looking at a traditional marriage. I know being a foreigner costs are generally higher. Has anyone had any experience and suggestions. We will be marrying in Ca Mau.
Secondly we currently have a house in Rach Gia that we intend to sell, what is a reasonable commission that we should pay an agent. How do you find agents in your area???
Would appreciate some advice.

Out of all of the responses, this is one you need to read and heed:

On the wedding day, your going to get tons of envelopes with cash.  I don't know your fiances family, but the less educated will tell you(foreigner) that is the families money, not yours.   THEY ARE WRONG.

The money in the envelopes is for you and your new wife.  Don't let anybody fool you.

Yep they can tell you all you like BUT,, your new wife will nag you into giving it to her family, you rich western they poor Viet so you will end up giving the money to her mother or live a life of being told you are tào lao which means crap ,, as in your a crap cheap guy.

the money in envolope goes to the person that pays so if her mother and father it goes to them, if western guy pays it goes to,,, yep you guessed to her mother,, or dont expect being a hero in her family, you will end up a chep westerner that didnt give the money to her family.... I have several friends that gave or didnt give the money to her family,, trust me give the money and have a happy wife.

In my case I gave my wife a lump of cash before the wedding.  I really don't remember the amount but it was at least $2K and certainly less than $5K.  She took that cash and paid the major expenses but I am sure some of her family pitched in on some items.  After the party, my wife counted up the money and I have no clue what she did with it. If you overthink it, you will only get heartburn.  Of course, in our case, we had a country wedding, with the caterers tent, tables and chairs in the front yard, so the total cost was not large.  If you have a reception at one of those dedicated wedding halls in the city, complete with limousines for the wedding party, of course the costs are a lot more.

Andybris2020 wrote:

vndreamer wrote:

vic50 wrote:

Hi guys

I need some advice on the costs associated with marrying a Vietnamese girl. We are looking at a traditional marriage. I know being a foreigner costs are generally higher. Has anyone had any experience and suggestions. We will be marrying in Ca Mau.
Secondly we currently have a house in Rach Gia that we intend to sell, what is a reasonable commission that we should pay an agent. How do you find agents in your area???
Would appreciate some advice.

Out of all of the responses, this is one you need to read and heed:

On the wedding day, your going to get tons of envelopes with cash.  I don't know your fiances family, but the less educated will tell you(foreigner) that is the families money, not yours.   THEY ARE WRONG.

The money in the envelopes is for you and your new wife.  Don't let anybody fool you.

Yep they can tell you all you like BUT,, your new wife will nag you into giving it to her family, you rich western they poor Viet so you will end up giving the money to her mother or live a life of being told you are tào lao which means crap ,, as in your a crap cheap guy.

the money in envolope goes to the person that pays so if her mother and father it goes to them, if western guy pays it goes to,,, yep you guessed to her mother,, or dont expect being a hero in her family, you will end up a chep westerner that didnt give the money to her family.... I have several friends that gave or didnt give the money to her family,, trust me give the money and have a happy wife.

It's not about the money, it's the principle.  It is selfish and extremely disrespectful.  The families that do this are not family, period.

THIGV wrote:

In my case I gave my wife a lump of cash before the wedding.  I really don't remember the amount but it was at least $2K and certainly less than $5K.  She took that cash and paid the major expenses but I am sure some of her family pitched in on some items.  After the party, my wife counted up the money and I have no clue what she did with it. If you overthink it, you will only get heartburn.  Of course, in our case, we had a country wedding, with the caterers tent, tables and chairs in the front yard, so the total cost was not large.  If you have a reception at one of those dedicated wedding halls in the city, complete with limousines for the wedding party, of course the costs are a lot more.

People can say this is the rule dont belive but the only rule is STFU and dont argue or learn viet and listen to what they say about you, which will be your a cheap guy and why did she marry you

Andybris2020 wrote:

THIGV wrote:

In my case I gave my wife a lump of cash before the wedding.  I really don't remember the amount but it was at least $2K and certainly less than $5K.  She took that cash and paid the major expenses but I am sure some of her family pitched in on some items.  After the party, my wife counted up the money and I have no clue what she did with it. If you overthink it, you will only get heartburn.  Of course, in our case, we had a country wedding, with the caterers tent, tables and chairs in the front yard, so the total cost was not large.  If you have a reception at one of those dedicated wedding halls in the city, complete with limousines for the wedding party, of course the costs are a lot more.

People can say this is the rule dont belive but the only rule is STFU and dont argue or learn viet and listen to what they say about you, which will be your a cheap guy and why did she marry you

Be a man and stand your ground.  Cheap words by uneducated selfish lazy people.  I don't STFU and yes, i am the cheapest selfish western man in VN and could care less.  I have a lovely wife and daughter and yes, wife and many others are on my side because the truth is the truth.  Bottom line, they know  what they are doing and it is wrong.  If you want to be the fool, go ahead and be miserable.

vndreamer wrote:

Be a man and stand your ground.  Cheap words by uneducated selfish lazy people.

Since you quoted me, let me say that I never assumed that my in-laws ever saw one VND of what was in the envelopes.  What I said what that it was entirely at my wife's discretion.  They know that I had no hand in who controlled the money, so I was immune from criticism.  In fact my wife told me later that when one of the neighbors questioned my mother-in-law, as the head of a formerly VC family, why she allowed her daughter to marry an American, she told them to STFU (or whatever that is in Vietnamese.)  That alone made any money spent entirely worth it.   

THIGV wrote:

vndreamer wrote:

Be a man and stand your ground.  Cheap words by uneducated selfish lazy people.

Since you quoted me, let me say that I never assumed that my in-laws ever saw one VND of what was in the envelopes.  What I said what that it was entirely at my wife's discretion.  They know that I had no hand in who controlled the money, so I was immune from criticism.  In fact my wife told me later that when one of the neighbors questioned my mother-in-law, as the head of a formerly VC family, why she allowed her daughter to marry an American, she told them to STFU (or whatever that is in Vietnamese.)  That alone made any money spent entirely worth it.   

?????????  Sorry mate, I did not quote you.    People read to much into words and derive opinions based on their perceptions.  I just give my opinion, he can take it or leave it. 

Again, let's be clear.  Your situation, like mine, you were aware of the situation and let your wife handle it.  Those are not the facts that I was advising the OP.  As long as he is aware (i.e., the principle) of the custom and culture of marriage envelopes, what he and his wife decide to do with the money is their decision.  However, I have seen Western men who did not know these facts and were told it was the families money or not even told and that is my point, period.

vndreamer wrote:

?????????  Sorry mate, I did not quote you.

Apology accepted, but you might want to take another look at your post #24.

I might add that having lived most of my life in Hawaii, where the same apparently pan-Asian customs are followed, I was prepared to accept the situation in Vietnam and didn't see it as out of the ordinary.  I guess it may come as a shock to someone from the US who expects the bride's family to carry all wedding expenses short of tuxedo rentals for the groom's party.

THIGV wrote:

vndreamer wrote:

?????????  Sorry mate, I did not quote you.

Apology accepted, but you might want to take another look at your post #24.

I might add that having lived most of my life in Hawaii, where the same apparently pan-Asian customs are followed, I was prepared to accept the situation in Vietnam and didn't see it as out of the ordinary.  I guess it may come as a shock to someone from the US who expects the bride's family to carry all wedding expenses short of tuxedo rentals for the groom's party.

Now I get it, another misunderstanding.   I was responding to andybris2020 post, but I did not quote you in "my response."  I could have easily just left it out, but some people want the references so they know who you are responding to. 

Also, my comments have nothing to do with the expenses of the wedding (i.e., who pays), only the red envelopes.

Yep, the Vietnamese always make money at the wedding... But have to go big... If not they may break even... Like they said in the state: go big or go home.
Good luck everyone.