I read your blog with it's underlying tones of anger, frustration and guilt?!As well as the questions you raise as to how you taught your one and only child. I like you am close to being a senior although to me it's just a number and frankly most days I feel 35. The other days well I do feel 64. This is life, before starting, I am in and out of Ecuador because to me it a very nice place to hang my hat and just another one of a life's adventures. Many days it reminds me of what America was in the late 50's when it was emerging as a global economic giant. Unfortunately, the price for those ambitious plans have become to costly for an average American and before anyone MAKES THIS about something other then raising ones children PLEASE DON'T. We all love our countries! loving it's governing bodies and their policies is an another issue and should be argued elsewhere not here.
Simply put, unfortunately, we raise our children according to the rules we each were taught by our parents who in turn received their life lessons from their parents. Unfortunately, like all parents including most who read this they were wrong! Many continue to be wrong by attempting to instill in their kids what they believe to be correct since that's all they know based on their own parental indoctrination process. look, I loved my parents. Liking them is another issue. I say this for a number of reasons but if you're honest with yourselves you understand what it is I am trying to say here.
To me a very simple analogy here is this. As a former SGT and later an upper level executive when I hired any individual and he or she fails usually forcing me to release him or he "I" not they have failed. Consider what it is I have said above about our parents teaching methods and their beliefs and methods and what they did or tactics used to make their points in rearing us. Like most parents today, they were wrong. Times and values change routinely. Why then don't parents recognize that what they're teaching their children may also fall into the category of obsolescence in using what Mon & Pop taught us.
You based on what you knew have done nothing wrong in raising your child, It's all you knew from your own parental influence. Your children become grown ups and regardless of our lessons they then have the ability to realize that mistakes mom and pop taught them. If they're really smart and strong they correct those mistakes and go their own way.
The only sage advice I have is to let them learn their own way. Steering occasionally with your kids is one thing but attempting to sail a vessel where it doesn't want to go usually results in a shipwreck. Kids are just like that boat and unless I now that the vessel or kid is headed for a doomed situation in spite of the pain let it happen. Remember, if it don't kill ya you become stronger.
Also, remember, kids are smart little people who's emotional skills and street smarts make them highly manipulative. An example might be Dad,, Mom said or reverse this to Dad,, Mom said. Just one example of many manipulations they use against you to gain their own ground.
Let's not be naive, they not only manipulate but they outright lie in the blink of an eye unless they're taught the pain of being caught in these lies whatever the reasons they're after.
You can lead em to water, you can't bend their necks without breaking it. And, we all must realize our parental jobs are typically done well before for whatever reasons we want to let go of them. MOM's in particular are guilty of this apron string stigma.
If that times comes and they're still lazy, lying, seemingly unhappy and usually blaming everyone else for their misfortune try to remember unless you taught them this IT ISN'T YOUR/OUR fault. It's theirs and they've learned these lessons elsewhere and it's their problem to solve
WHEW, blah blah blah.
We've done our jobs and now if we're lucky they treat us as we want to be treated. Without being manipulated or lied to. A person we as parents can be proud of.
Sorry if my attempts to convey my thoughts are skewed but it's my parents fault I can't communicate.
Some humor,but we should live in Ecuador or any other place because you want to. Treasure your own educational travel growth and the findings that come with it. The children usually find their way out by themselves.
Let em be kids unless you know from your own experiences that they vessels direction is doomed. Even then, we as parents may still be wrong and those experiences we had may have changed.
Good luck,
